Monday, May 15, 2017
Sending a naughty image or text to your love? Think again! Shifa Mitra raises important points about being prudent, and having restraint when it comes to exchanging love 'notes' in the digital age, lest they come back to bite you Shifa Maitra | Posted on 10 May 2016 Category : Relationships Challenges And Advice Love & Technology | Should You Send Naughty Images & Texts? We take technology so much for granted that we seem to have forgotten what life was like before we got so “connected”. It’s so much easier to fall in love, to cheat, to get married and to break up. A simple text can do the job. A change of status on Facebook can let the person – and the entire world – know they have been dumped… Yet what happens to your digital life once you have moved on? Like the email drama playing out between two popular actors shows…there’s no moving on from there. It’s not like the time when you shredded the love letters while sobbing and having a drink and the ishq was over. Now, while the affair may have been hush-hush, the shame can be very public and cruel. Agreed newspapers do not want the gory details and pictures of Sneha from Surat, and Akshay from Bangalore but there is still a lot of harm that can happen. Break ups are never easy and if the jilted one decides to get nasty the amount of ammunition available today is shocking. The seminude pic of yourself that you sent him when he was out of town can return to bite you. The raunchy text messages with a “for your eyes only” warning could be eyeballed by many. Emails, WhatsApp and online chats, voice messages, video calls, steamy videos – just the thought of how much you “shared” makes you shudder, right? If you are married and cheating just think about what your sister-in-law or your neighbor will say when she gets an anonymous mail or forward showing you cozying up to your lover? If you are single, in a respectable job, and everyone from the peon to the CEO has seen “that” WhatsApp? People are more interested in celebrities but believe me they will be even more curious if it is someone from their circle. Sure you can complain to the cyber cell and all of that but life will never be the same again. So what is the solution? Stop being yourself? Stop having fun? Don’t trust the person you are with? Sure, trust him or her, but protect yourself first. Once the two of you have seen the video of the shower delete it yourself from both phones. If you are not tech savvy, please stay that way and stick to old fashioned flowers and love letters. Just don’t put anything out there that would make your mom or child cringe if they read it. Sure people can morph your pictures, shoot videos of you with hidden cameras and all of that, which is a crime and needs to be dealt with accordingly. You need to be smart and not expose yourself to trouble. Phone sex or sex via webcam is never as good as the real thing so don’t give in to temptation or bullying. You can’t undo some things so… It’s unfair to think that each time a man or a woman asks her lover for something like this they intend to use it later, the thought probably doesn’t cross their mind. Yet once they have been dumped or feel like they have been dumped, it’s another matter. Revenge is a dish best served cold so you should not risk something coming up two years later a day before you are getting engaged or due for a promotion. When someone is hurting and looking at ways to lash out it’s obvious that they will look at what you left behind. Sure it’s a twisted mind that would lash out like this but this is the new equivalent to getting drunk and creating a scene outside your home or calling up your friends and bad mouthing you. In that case there is a clear villain but here things get messy. Everyone makes mistakes in love and lust but just be smart… My suggestion is stick to whispering sweet nothings in person and stay guarded in your other communications – mails, chats, messages, pictures, videos, etc. It's better to be safe than to be sorry! First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories. We request you to hyperlink the text provided in bold to https://www.bonobology.com/
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Deepika Padukone and the art of being cool with your ex Shifa Maitra is all praises for the star who seems to have managed to juggle Ranbir and Ranveer, but wonders if everyone can do the same Shifa Maitra | Posted on 23 Jun 2016 Category : Divorce And Breakup Parting Ways Getting over a Break Up like Deepika Padukone | Bonobology.com “I don’t think you can survive without me” how often have we said that or heard that in a relationship. Husbands, lovers, live in partners after a point become a habit. So what do you do when the relationship ends, after the anger, accusations, hurt and tears? After the denial and the numbness comes the strain of picking up the threads and moving on. The healing is always difficult but critical. The focus is now on you not the jerk… Yet there is a fondness for the ex that never really goes away. After time and distance perspective does come in and the memories of good times also creep in. You do remember some of the fun times, the things he did for you, his quirks, your shared history. Most of the times you wish him well and move on. Most couples I know have been extremely affectionate at divorce courts. The sensible thing to do is let the past stay where it belongs…in the past. Of course it does not work that way if you have kids or a shared business. You have to be in each other’s lives with new partners and the rest of the shabang. It is a little civil if you work in the same profession or have common friends. Yet can you ever be friends with your ex? Like friends but not lovers? Caring for each other but not fuck buddies? Turning to each other for advise but not being 4 am pals? Seems like a tall order specially if either has a new partner. Yet some people seem to do it well. Happy in a rock solid relationship and a great friendship with someone who was once the centre of your life. Such a scenario has a whole lot of pros. There is a friend who totally knows you and cares enough to give you sane advice. Someone who can look out for you and stop you from making mistakes. Less awkwardness for friends and colleagues. A great working relationship because you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The strengths can complement each other when there isn’t the drama of having to do the couple things. An opportunity to gain good karma as you’re not letting someone down when the tide changed. Of course a wee bit of keeping your current partner on his toes also helps. It sure requires a special kind of maturity to make this kind of arrangement work. The downside is that it is a comfort zone and the probability of slipping back into a coupled space is high. The issues that lead to the break up may still be there and that is not an additional stress you need in your life. While you maybe secure in your current relationship he may not be able to move on…a clinging dependent adult is not what you need. If he is with someone she may not like the idea of her man hanging out or working with his ex. This is also the kind of warm space that can lead to slip ups sooner than you know it. While we do admire the way Deepika Padukone is handling her current Ranveer Singh and ex Ranbir Kapoor professionally we aren’t too sure if Katrina Kaif shares our views! What the hell if Deepika has great chemistry with two hunks on screen and keep her peace off screen no one should complain. First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories.