Sending a naughty image or text to your love? Think again!

Sending a naughty image or text to your love? Think again! Shifa Mitra raises important points about being prudent, and having restraint when it comes to exchanging love 'notes' in the digital age, lest they come back to bite you Shifa Maitra | Posted on 10 May 2016 Category : Relationships Challenges And Advice Love & Technology | Should You Send Naughty Images & Texts? We take technology so much for granted that we seem to have forgotten what life was like before we got so “connected”. It’s so much easier to fall in love, to cheat, to get married and to break up. A simple text can do the job. A change of status on Facebook can let the person – and the entire world – know they have been dumped… Yet what happens to your digital life once you have moved on? Like the email drama playing out between two popular actors shows…there’s no moving on from there. It’s not like the time when you shredded the love letters while sobbing and having a drink and the ishq was over. Now, while the affair may have been hush-hush, the shame can be very public and cruel. Agreed newspapers do not want the gory details and pictures of Sneha from Surat, and Akshay from Bangalore but there is still a lot of harm that can happen. Break ups are never easy and if the jilted one decides to get nasty the amount of ammunition available today is shocking. The seminude pic of yourself that you sent him when he was out of town can return to bite you. The raunchy text messages with a “for your eyes only” warning could be eyeballed by many. Emails, WhatsApp and online chats, voice messages, video calls, steamy videos – just the thought of how much you “shared” makes you shudder, right? If you are married and cheating just think about what your sister-in-law or your neighbor will say when she gets an anonymous mail or forward showing you cozying up to your lover? If you are single, in a respectable job, and everyone from the peon to the CEO has seen “that” WhatsApp? People are more interested in celebrities but believe me they will be even more curious if it is someone from their circle. Sure you can complain to the cyber cell and all of that but life will never be the same again. So what is the solution? Stop being yourself? Stop having fun? Don’t trust the person you are with? Sure, trust him or her, but protect yourself first. Once the two of you have seen the video of the shower delete it yourself from both phones. If you are not tech savvy, please stay that way and stick to old fashioned flowers and love letters. Just don’t put anything out there that would make your mom or child cringe if they read it. Sure people can morph your pictures, shoot videos of you with hidden cameras and all of that, which is a crime and needs to be dealt with accordingly. You need to be smart and not expose yourself to trouble. Phone sex or sex via webcam is never as good as the real thing so don’t give in to temptation or bullying. You can’t undo some things so… It’s unfair to think that each time a man or a woman asks her lover for something like this they intend to use it later, the thought probably doesn’t cross their mind. Yet once they have been dumped or feel like they have been dumped, it’s another matter. Revenge is a dish best served cold so you should not risk something coming up two years later a day before you are getting engaged or due for a promotion. When someone is hurting and looking at ways to lash out it’s obvious that they will look at what you left behind. Sure it’s a twisted mind that would lash out like this but this is the new equivalent to getting drunk and creating a scene outside your home or calling up your friends and bad mouthing you. In that case there is a clear villain but here things get messy. Everyone makes mistakes in love and lust but just be smart… My suggestion is stick to whispering sweet nothings in person and stay guarded in your other communications – mails, chats, messages, pictures, videos, etc. It's better to be safe than to be sorry! First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories. We request you to hyperlink the text provided in bold to https://www.bonobology.com/

On Deepika and break ups...

Deepika Padukone and the art of being cool with your ex Shifa Maitra is all praises for the star who seems to have managed to juggle Ranbir and Ranveer, but wonders if everyone can do the same Shifa Maitra | Posted on 23 Jun 2016 Category : Divorce And Breakup Parting Ways Getting over a Break Up like Deepika Padukone | Bonobology.com “I don’t think you can survive without me” how often have we said that or heard that in a relationship. Husbands, lovers, live in partners after a point become a habit. So what do you do when the relationship ends, after the anger, accusations, hurt and tears? After the denial and the numbness comes the strain of picking up the threads and moving on. The healing is always difficult but critical. The focus is now on you not the jerk… Yet there is a fondness for the ex that never really goes away. After time and distance perspective does come in and the memories of good times also creep in. You do remember some of the fun times, the things he did for you, his quirks, your shared history. Most of the times you wish him well and move on. Most couples I know have been extremely affectionate at divorce courts. The sensible thing to do is let the past stay where it belongs…in the past. Of course it does not work that way if you have kids or a shared business. You have to be in each other’s lives with new partners and the rest of the shabang. It is a little civil if you work in the same profession or have common friends. Yet can you ever be friends with your ex? Like friends but not lovers? Caring for each other but not fuck buddies? Turning to each other for advise but not being 4 am pals? Seems like a tall order specially if either has a new partner. Yet some people seem to do it well. Happy in a rock solid relationship and a great friendship with someone who was once the centre of your life. Such a scenario has a whole lot of pros. There is a friend who totally knows you and cares enough to give you sane advice. Someone who can look out for you and stop you from making mistakes. Less awkwardness for friends and colleagues. A great working relationship because you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The strengths can complement each other when there isn’t the drama of having to do the couple things. An opportunity to gain good karma as you’re not letting someone down when the tide changed. Of course a wee bit of keeping your current partner on his toes also helps. It sure requires a special kind of maturity to make this kind of arrangement work. The downside is that it is a comfort zone and the probability of slipping back into a coupled space is high. The issues that lead to the break up may still be there and that is not an additional stress you need in your life. While you maybe secure in your current relationship he may not be able to move on…a clinging dependent adult is not what you need. If he is with someone she may not like the idea of her man hanging out or working with his ex. This is also the kind of warm space that can lead to slip ups sooner than you know it. While we do admire the way Deepika Padukone is handling her current Ranveer Singh and ex Ranbir Kapoor professionally we aren’t too sure if Katrina Kaif shares our views! What the hell if Deepika has great chemistry with two hunks on screen and keep her peace off screen no one should complain. First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories.

#GoodNewsIndia! A new series

So things are screwed up in this country and everyone is angry or upset...cribbing but not willing to do anything to change the situation. i chose to believe in hope and joy... so everyday I will share links or post pictures that make us realize that it's not so bad after all! http://www.huffingtonpost.in/2017/03/27/this-chennai-temple-is-offering-burgers-and-brownies-as-prasad_a_22013140/?ncid=tweetlnkinhpmg00000001

Galli ke nukkad pe

Galli ke nukkad pe choti si thi pehle Mere phoolon ki dukaan Aaj uparwaale ke karam se florist ban gaye hai College jo ban gaya hai kone pe Roz roz rose day to nahi hota Par jawaani mein phool zaroori hote hai Sab pata hai mujhe Lal se pyar ka izhaar Peele se shuruaat Par mujhe fikr hai unki Jo peechewali 15 manzila building mein rehte hai Permanent customer hain na College ke bachchon ki tarha badalne waale nahi 8 saal ho gaaye hai yaar lal maruti wala jo daily ek rose lekar jaata tha ab gaadi badi ho gayi hai aur mehbooba biwi to humare paas aana bandh ho gaya chalo khush rahe birthday, anniversary pe to hume hi yaad karte hai aur vo 5 maalevali madam roz hero ke ghar pe bouquet behjti thi ek saal tak chalta raha hai mamla finally humne hi bol diya madam rehne do na ab sirf birthday pe jaata hai hazaar waala bouquet yeh film bhi na… aur vo 11 maale ka chikoo vo hi to bataya father day, mother day mummy ko orchid pasand hai rafiq bhai kahin se bhi lao mother’s day pe orchids hi dene hai lekar aaye bhai mummmyji khud dukaan pe aayi thank you bolne, English mein isliye humko bhi sad laga jab chikoo ki mummy ka maloom chala sab funeral ke phool arrangements yahin se to huye ek orchids ka bouquet lekar aaya aur main hi dekar aaya itne saal mein na customer bhi insaan hi lagne lagte hai….

rain soaked afternoons

I love the rain when i am indoors. Preferably at home with a pot of coffee and a good book. It is good to keep a notebook and pen close by because the pitter patter outside clears up the thoughts inside. Music is great with the rains. The telephone and tv distract. The only distractions i will allow myself today are rain soaked memories. Of walking home from school because we got half the day off. Taking two hours walking the 20 minute distance. A group of giggling girls and boys chasing earthworms. It was so much fun, watching the rains lashing the shore at bandstand. The bonds formed as we held hands and walked at 10 year olds are precious. The silly nick names and code words At home rainy days meant chai and pakodas. My adorable dadi made sure there were no restrictions for kids too on those days. Begum akhtar in the evenings...”aie barsaat to barsaat ne dil tod diya... I am so grateful for the childhood I had. Megh malhar playing in the rain and my father trying to explain raags. We never heard hindi film music as children...and am so grateful for that today. As we grew up in the Bombay of the 80s rains meant bhutta on bandstand and carter road. T shirts from Fus (i think that is what the brand was called) or imported stuff that one aunty used to sell at her home in linking road. Monsoons were the only time you could let your cottons breathe. College meant bunking classes and driving down to mudh island in the rains. The monsoons look much better at madh and manori! Endless cups of chai at the tapri and one lingering cup of coffee at The Resort. The romance seemed eternal and the friendships life long...well am glad we outgrew some of them Rains make me happy, sad, nostalgic....am i the only one? Of course when you move out of the family home you have to deal with not so romantic parts of the monsoons. Clothes that will not dry, that damp smell, leaking roofs and whether the love of your life will go down and get milk/cigarettes/bread After years of living away from Bombay and seeing just an apology of a shower, it feels good to come back to the real thing And to realise that the tv going off the blink does not bother me...i still just want a day off and a good book...the one i saved up for a rainy day --

Samovar....Our space

“So where do we catch up?”…Ritu was here for a holiday and we were four college friends catching up after ten years. Samovar was the obvious choice. It was where we went when the lectures were boring, where the ambience made us feel all grown up, where the food was always good, where we could eat without worrying about how we would pay the bill, where we could walk to Churchgate and take a train home! My affair with samovar began when I was in school and it was a place my parents took us too whenever we went to town. Tea Centre, wayside inn or samovar…there e was no fourth option! As soon as I got done from school and started doing market research to make money in the summer vacations…I could head to Samovar on my own! Paying my first bill there is still a memory I cherish In college, there was Ritu, Rukshana, binita and me…and this was our space. We came with problems and many hours later left with solutions…always. How to get a guy to notice you, how to now get him to not notice you, how to get your parents to realize they need to get a life, how to make a lot of money without doing something dull…the problems were endless. Yet we managed to find a way out by the time it was closing time at Samovar and we were gently nudged out! So this time, it was ten years later. Those of us in Bombay too had got busy with making a living or making a marriage or trying to juggle both. Getting into town was not something that happened too often, there were multiplexes in the suburbs and the action had shifted there… but that day it had to be samovar. Ritu and I reached first and then the others trooped in. we all complimented each other, the guava juice was perfect and all was well with the world. Mrs. Khanna walked up to us and asked where we had vanished. We told her about our reunion post college and why it had to be Samovar. She smiled indulgently and asked us to continue catching up from where we had left. That felt so lovely… We spoke and spoke. Lied and get caught. Shared secrets, advised each other, held hands when the conversation was difficult and promised to be there for each other always…it was now evening and we had to leave. We asked for the bill and were told it was on the house. We were shocked. We went up to aunty who said she was honoured that Samovar was still a part of our lives. We knew the look that said “do not argue with me” We let the young mommy leave and then rushed to Chetna and picked up a saree that was so Mrs. Khanna. When we got back to Samovar she was busy so we left it on her table and she gave us a warm hug and asked us to hurry along. We proudly told her how we did not take the train but had cars now; she shook her head and smiled. Now there will be no Samovar the next time Ritu is in town…but there will be memories that always take us back to delightful times in our space.

zara

Mera naam zara hai. Kuch log mujhe zara sheikh bulate hai, kuch zara shrivastav ke naam se jaante hai. Ab mujhe bistar par karvat badalte huye 15 minut ho chuke hai. Uthkar bahar jaane ka bilkul mann nahi. Saath soye mere pati sunil ko kuch nahi pata. Usse batana chaahti hoon par kya kahoon aur kaise? Dus mahine pehle jab humne shaadi karne ki sochi thi tab hum dono jaante the ke hamare mazhab alag hai, hum mazhabi ho ya na ho, alag to hai Mere ammi abbu hai aur sunil ke ma babuji. Par issse kya farak padhta hai? Hai progressive insaan hai, dono iss zameen par 30 saal se zyaada tey kar chuke hai, main ad agency mein hoon, sunil MNC mein. Humme in sab cheezon se kuch vaasta nahi Laga tha court marriage aur reception ke dauran kuch dikkat ho gi, par aisa kuch nahi huya. Shayaad ishq ka jazbaa itna chhaya huya tha ke aur kuch dikhna hi nahi tha. Ab bhi kuch badla nahi hai, mujhe kabhi kabhi sindoor lagana achcha lagta hai aur sunil ko eid ke eid kurta pyjama pehnna gavara hai Ab pichle ek hafte se ma babuji hamare paas aaye huye hai. Do hafte ki chuttiyan hai isliye. Hamari shaadi ke baad pehli baar. Mujh se zyaada tension sunil ko thi. Paar main to khush thi…hoon. Saath rehne se to hi jaan sakte hain ek doosre ko. Aur maine decide kar liya tha ke agar ma ne kuch keh diya to bhi koi baat nahi, iss umr mein vo kahan badlengi aur phir do hafton ki ho to baat hai Lekin ab bura lag raha hai, chhoti chhoti baton pe. Aur gussa apne aap pe aa raha tha. Kya samajh ke maine ammi ko kaha tha ke unhe dinner pe bula lo. Kaise vo mussalman ke ghar kha sakte? Chahe khana shudh shakahari kyun na ho. End mein vegetarian restaurant gaaye aur bahut hi painful shaam thi. Jab babuji ne poocha beta sunil ghar mein bhagwanji nahi hai, to ma ne mujhe kyun ghur ke dekha? Jab raat coffee peete huye unhone ne poocha bachche kiss mazhab ke honge to sunil ne bina meri taraf dekhe bhi keh diya: yeh kaisa sawaal hai, hindu honge obviously. Jab sab ke minnat karne pe babuji ne chhaunk wale aloo bannane ke liye hami bhari, sabziyon ke saath vo bazaar se nayi kadai bhi lekar kyun aaye. Kya vo nahi jaante ke humare barton mein, mujh se zyaada, unka beta hi non veg banata hai? Agar mujhe kisine bataya nahi to main har subah suryanamaskar kaise karti? Par in sab baton se zyaada mujhe koft iss baat se hai ke main kissi aur ke kehne par apna self confidence kyun kho rahi hoon…