Sending a naughty image or text to your love? Think again!

Sending a naughty image or text to your love? Think again! Shifa Mitra raises important points about being prudent, and having restraint when it comes to exchanging love 'notes' in the digital age, lest they come back to bite you Shifa Maitra | Posted on 10 May 2016 Category : Relationships Challenges And Advice Love & Technology | Should You Send Naughty Images & Texts? We take technology so much for granted that we seem to have forgotten what life was like before we got so “connected”. It’s so much easier to fall in love, to cheat, to get married and to break up. A simple text can do the job. A change of status on Facebook can let the person – and the entire world – know they have been dumped… Yet what happens to your digital life once you have moved on? Like the email drama playing out between two popular actors shows…there’s no moving on from there. It’s not like the time when you shredded the love letters while sobbing and having a drink and the ishq was over. Now, while the affair may have been hush-hush, the shame can be very public and cruel. Agreed newspapers do not want the gory details and pictures of Sneha from Surat, and Akshay from Bangalore but there is still a lot of harm that can happen. Break ups are never easy and if the jilted one decides to get nasty the amount of ammunition available today is shocking. The seminude pic of yourself that you sent him when he was out of town can return to bite you. The raunchy text messages with a “for your eyes only” warning could be eyeballed by many. Emails, WhatsApp and online chats, voice messages, video calls, steamy videos – just the thought of how much you “shared” makes you shudder, right? If you are married and cheating just think about what your sister-in-law or your neighbor will say when she gets an anonymous mail or forward showing you cozying up to your lover? If you are single, in a respectable job, and everyone from the peon to the CEO has seen “that” WhatsApp? People are more interested in celebrities but believe me they will be even more curious if it is someone from their circle. Sure you can complain to the cyber cell and all of that but life will never be the same again. So what is the solution? Stop being yourself? Stop having fun? Don’t trust the person you are with? Sure, trust him or her, but protect yourself first. Once the two of you have seen the video of the shower delete it yourself from both phones. If you are not tech savvy, please stay that way and stick to old fashioned flowers and love letters. Just don’t put anything out there that would make your mom or child cringe if they read it. Sure people can morph your pictures, shoot videos of you with hidden cameras and all of that, which is a crime and needs to be dealt with accordingly. You need to be smart and not expose yourself to trouble. Phone sex or sex via webcam is never as good as the real thing so don’t give in to temptation or bullying. You can’t undo some things so… It’s unfair to think that each time a man or a woman asks her lover for something like this they intend to use it later, the thought probably doesn’t cross their mind. Yet once they have been dumped or feel like they have been dumped, it’s another matter. Revenge is a dish best served cold so you should not risk something coming up two years later a day before you are getting engaged or due for a promotion. When someone is hurting and looking at ways to lash out it’s obvious that they will look at what you left behind. Sure it’s a twisted mind that would lash out like this but this is the new equivalent to getting drunk and creating a scene outside your home or calling up your friends and bad mouthing you. In that case there is a clear villain but here things get messy. Everyone makes mistakes in love and lust but just be smart… My suggestion is stick to whispering sweet nothings in person and stay guarded in your other communications – mails, chats, messages, pictures, videos, etc. It's better to be safe than to be sorry! First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories. We request you to hyperlink the text provided in bold to https://www.bonobology.com/

On Deepika and break ups...

Deepika Padukone and the art of being cool with your ex Shifa Maitra is all praises for the star who seems to have managed to juggle Ranbir and Ranveer, but wonders if everyone can do the same Shifa Maitra | Posted on 23 Jun 2016 Category : Divorce And Breakup Parting Ways Getting over a Break Up like Deepika Padukone | Bonobology.com “I don’t think you can survive without me” how often have we said that or heard that in a relationship. Husbands, lovers, live in partners after a point become a habit. So what do you do when the relationship ends, after the anger, accusations, hurt and tears? After the denial and the numbness comes the strain of picking up the threads and moving on. The healing is always difficult but critical. The focus is now on you not the jerk… Yet there is a fondness for the ex that never really goes away. After time and distance perspective does come in and the memories of good times also creep in. You do remember some of the fun times, the things he did for you, his quirks, your shared history. Most of the times you wish him well and move on. Most couples I know have been extremely affectionate at divorce courts. The sensible thing to do is let the past stay where it belongs…in the past. Of course it does not work that way if you have kids or a shared business. You have to be in each other’s lives with new partners and the rest of the shabang. It is a little civil if you work in the same profession or have common friends. Yet can you ever be friends with your ex? Like friends but not lovers? Caring for each other but not fuck buddies? Turning to each other for advise but not being 4 am pals? Seems like a tall order specially if either has a new partner. Yet some people seem to do it well. Happy in a rock solid relationship and a great friendship with someone who was once the centre of your life. Such a scenario has a whole lot of pros. There is a friend who totally knows you and cares enough to give you sane advice. Someone who can look out for you and stop you from making mistakes. Less awkwardness for friends and colleagues. A great working relationship because you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The strengths can complement each other when there isn’t the drama of having to do the couple things. An opportunity to gain good karma as you’re not letting someone down when the tide changed. Of course a wee bit of keeping your current partner on his toes also helps. It sure requires a special kind of maturity to make this kind of arrangement work. The downside is that it is a comfort zone and the probability of slipping back into a coupled space is high. The issues that lead to the break up may still be there and that is not an additional stress you need in your life. While you maybe secure in your current relationship he may not be able to move on…a clinging dependent adult is not what you need. If he is with someone she may not like the idea of her man hanging out or working with his ex. This is also the kind of warm space that can lead to slip ups sooner than you know it. While we do admire the way Deepika Padukone is handling her current Ranveer Singh and ex Ranbir Kapoor professionally we aren’t too sure if Katrina Kaif shares our views! What the hell if Deepika has great chemistry with two hunks on screen and keep her peace off screen no one should complain. First published on Bonobology.com, India's number one page for relationship, love and heartbreak stories.

#GoodNewsIndia! A new series

So things are screwed up in this country and everyone is angry or upset...cribbing but not willing to do anything to change the situation. i chose to believe in hope and joy... so everyday I will share links or post pictures that make us realize that it's not so bad after all! http://www.huffingtonpost.in/2017/03/27/this-chennai-temple-is-offering-burgers-and-brownies-as-prasad_a_22013140/?ncid=tweetlnkinhpmg00000001

Galli ke nukkad pe

Galli ke nukkad pe choti si thi pehle Mere phoolon ki dukaan Aaj uparwaale ke karam se florist ban gaye hai College jo ban gaya hai kone pe Roz roz rose day to nahi hota Par jawaani mein phool zaroori hote hai Sab pata hai mujhe Lal se pyar ka izhaar Peele se shuruaat Par mujhe fikr hai unki Jo peechewali 15 manzila building mein rehte hai Permanent customer hain na College ke bachchon ki tarha badalne waale nahi 8 saal ho gaaye hai yaar lal maruti wala jo daily ek rose lekar jaata tha ab gaadi badi ho gayi hai aur mehbooba biwi to humare paas aana bandh ho gaya chalo khush rahe birthday, anniversary pe to hume hi yaad karte hai aur vo 5 maalevali madam roz hero ke ghar pe bouquet behjti thi ek saal tak chalta raha hai mamla finally humne hi bol diya madam rehne do na ab sirf birthday pe jaata hai hazaar waala bouquet yeh film bhi na… aur vo 11 maale ka chikoo vo hi to bataya father day, mother day mummy ko orchid pasand hai rafiq bhai kahin se bhi lao mother’s day pe orchids hi dene hai lekar aaye bhai mummmyji khud dukaan pe aayi thank you bolne, English mein isliye humko bhi sad laga jab chikoo ki mummy ka maloom chala sab funeral ke phool arrangements yahin se to huye ek orchids ka bouquet lekar aaya aur main hi dekar aaya itne saal mein na customer bhi insaan hi lagne lagte hai….

rain soaked afternoons

I love the rain when i am indoors. Preferably at home with a pot of coffee and a good book. It is good to keep a notebook and pen close by because the pitter patter outside clears up the thoughts inside. Music is great with the rains. The telephone and tv distract. The only distractions i will allow myself today are rain soaked memories. Of walking home from school because we got half the day off. Taking two hours walking the 20 minute distance. A group of giggling girls and boys chasing earthworms. It was so much fun, watching the rains lashing the shore at bandstand. The bonds formed as we held hands and walked at 10 year olds are precious. The silly nick names and code words At home rainy days meant chai and pakodas. My adorable dadi made sure there were no restrictions for kids too on those days. Begum akhtar in the evenings...”aie barsaat to barsaat ne dil tod diya... I am so grateful for the childhood I had. Megh malhar playing in the rain and my father trying to explain raags. We never heard hindi film music as children...and am so grateful for that today. As we grew up in the Bombay of the 80s rains meant bhutta on bandstand and carter road. T shirts from Fus (i think that is what the brand was called) or imported stuff that one aunty used to sell at her home in linking road. Monsoons were the only time you could let your cottons breathe. College meant bunking classes and driving down to mudh island in the rains. The monsoons look much better at madh and manori! Endless cups of chai at the tapri and one lingering cup of coffee at The Resort. The romance seemed eternal and the friendships life long...well am glad we outgrew some of them Rains make me happy, sad, nostalgic....am i the only one? Of course when you move out of the family home you have to deal with not so romantic parts of the monsoons. Clothes that will not dry, that damp smell, leaking roofs and whether the love of your life will go down and get milk/cigarettes/bread After years of living away from Bombay and seeing just an apology of a shower, it feels good to come back to the real thing And to realise that the tv going off the blink does not bother me...i still just want a day off and a good book...the one i saved up for a rainy day --

Samovar....Our space

“So where do we catch up?”…Ritu was here for a holiday and we were four college friends catching up after ten years. Samovar was the obvious choice. It was where we went when the lectures were boring, where the ambience made us feel all grown up, where the food was always good, where we could eat without worrying about how we would pay the bill, where we could walk to Churchgate and take a train home! My affair with samovar began when I was in school and it was a place my parents took us too whenever we went to town. Tea Centre, wayside inn or samovar…there e was no fourth option! As soon as I got done from school and started doing market research to make money in the summer vacations…I could head to Samovar on my own! Paying my first bill there is still a memory I cherish In college, there was Ritu, Rukshana, binita and me…and this was our space. We came with problems and many hours later left with solutions…always. How to get a guy to notice you, how to now get him to not notice you, how to get your parents to realize they need to get a life, how to make a lot of money without doing something dull…the problems were endless. Yet we managed to find a way out by the time it was closing time at Samovar and we were gently nudged out! So this time, it was ten years later. Those of us in Bombay too had got busy with making a living or making a marriage or trying to juggle both. Getting into town was not something that happened too often, there were multiplexes in the suburbs and the action had shifted there… but that day it had to be samovar. Ritu and I reached first and then the others trooped in. we all complimented each other, the guava juice was perfect and all was well with the world. Mrs. Khanna walked up to us and asked where we had vanished. We told her about our reunion post college and why it had to be Samovar. She smiled indulgently and asked us to continue catching up from where we had left. That felt so lovely… We spoke and spoke. Lied and get caught. Shared secrets, advised each other, held hands when the conversation was difficult and promised to be there for each other always…it was now evening and we had to leave. We asked for the bill and were told it was on the house. We were shocked. We went up to aunty who said she was honoured that Samovar was still a part of our lives. We knew the look that said “do not argue with me” We let the young mommy leave and then rushed to Chetna and picked up a saree that was so Mrs. Khanna. When we got back to Samovar she was busy so we left it on her table and she gave us a warm hug and asked us to hurry along. We proudly told her how we did not take the train but had cars now; she shook her head and smiled. Now there will be no Samovar the next time Ritu is in town…but there will be memories that always take us back to delightful times in our space.

zara

Mera naam zara hai. Kuch log mujhe zara sheikh bulate hai, kuch zara shrivastav ke naam se jaante hai. Ab mujhe bistar par karvat badalte huye 15 minut ho chuke hai. Uthkar bahar jaane ka bilkul mann nahi. Saath soye mere pati sunil ko kuch nahi pata. Usse batana chaahti hoon par kya kahoon aur kaise? Dus mahine pehle jab humne shaadi karne ki sochi thi tab hum dono jaante the ke hamare mazhab alag hai, hum mazhabi ho ya na ho, alag to hai Mere ammi abbu hai aur sunil ke ma babuji. Par issse kya farak padhta hai? Hai progressive insaan hai, dono iss zameen par 30 saal se zyaada tey kar chuke hai, main ad agency mein hoon, sunil MNC mein. Humme in sab cheezon se kuch vaasta nahi Laga tha court marriage aur reception ke dauran kuch dikkat ho gi, par aisa kuch nahi huya. Shayaad ishq ka jazbaa itna chhaya huya tha ke aur kuch dikhna hi nahi tha. Ab bhi kuch badla nahi hai, mujhe kabhi kabhi sindoor lagana achcha lagta hai aur sunil ko eid ke eid kurta pyjama pehnna gavara hai Ab pichle ek hafte se ma babuji hamare paas aaye huye hai. Do hafte ki chuttiyan hai isliye. Hamari shaadi ke baad pehli baar. Mujh se zyaada tension sunil ko thi. Paar main to khush thi…hoon. Saath rehne se to hi jaan sakte hain ek doosre ko. Aur maine decide kar liya tha ke agar ma ne kuch keh diya to bhi koi baat nahi, iss umr mein vo kahan badlengi aur phir do hafton ki ho to baat hai Lekin ab bura lag raha hai, chhoti chhoti baton pe. Aur gussa apne aap pe aa raha tha. Kya samajh ke maine ammi ko kaha tha ke unhe dinner pe bula lo. Kaise vo mussalman ke ghar kha sakte? Chahe khana shudh shakahari kyun na ho. End mein vegetarian restaurant gaaye aur bahut hi painful shaam thi. Jab babuji ne poocha beta sunil ghar mein bhagwanji nahi hai, to ma ne mujhe kyun ghur ke dekha? Jab raat coffee peete huye unhone ne poocha bachche kiss mazhab ke honge to sunil ne bina meri taraf dekhe bhi keh diya: yeh kaisa sawaal hai, hindu honge obviously. Jab sab ke minnat karne pe babuji ne chhaunk wale aloo bannane ke liye hami bhari, sabziyon ke saath vo bazaar se nayi kadai bhi lekar kyun aaye. Kya vo nahi jaante ke humare barton mein, mujh se zyaada, unka beta hi non veg banata hai? Agar mujhe kisine bataya nahi to main har subah suryanamaskar kaise karti? Par in sab baton se zyaada mujhe koft iss baat se hai ke main kissi aur ke kehne par apna self confidence kyun kho rahi hoon…

The Hourglass

Much as he denied it, Jatin loved it when 3 people rushed to his car as soon as he screeched in outside his glass and chrome office. Someone to open the door and then park the car, someone to carry his stuff, one guy who would get his well ironed suit that was on the hanger in the back seat. From here on it was a “regular” day at work for Jatin. The amount of people he acknowledged walking the short distance to his cabin was crazy. His steaming hot black coffee and a fresh pack of cigarettes on his table made him glad again for stella, his ever efficient pa. stella who wore only shades of cream and white since boss did not approve of her wearing colours. She was on the team of the CEO, she could not dress like the loud kind who traveled by local train. Meetings began as soon as he stepped in. people outside who could see him flaying his arms and gesticulating wildly would try and put words to the act, depending on who was at the receiving end. Jatin could have the marketing head in front of him and tell him that dattaram, the office boy, did not like the colour scheme so there was no room for discussion. A very valid point but the way jatin put it made anyone seem like a worm. Jatin was good for the business, in fact he was great. Profits had gone up 43% in the last year. Investors were ecstatic. The buzz in the market was great, he had made it to the cover of the top notch business magazine and life was good. Post a grueling session with foreign investors came the tv interview and then stella walked in to discuss his travel schedule for the next 3 days. Tonight he had the business awards to attend. Tomorrow post the board meeting he had to be in Bangalore for the fashion show. Friday evening was dubai for a film premiere and the next afternoon was the polo match in delhi. Stella informed him that he could not attend that since sat was anushka’s birthday. She had booked them a table at zodiac grill. Now jatin was irritated, why did his wife have to schedule her birthday on the day of the all important polo match. The MD wanted him to hob nob with the delhi politicos and this was the perfect opportunity. On the way back to the suburbs where he was going to attend the business awards, jatin thought about the farce of a marriage they had. Anushka refused to be the trophy wife and so he refused to believe she exsisted. He never asked about the work she did, he vaguely knew she helped at some NGO and she scorned at his work and lifestyle. Well that did not stop her from using the car and driver he had kept at her disposal or from maxing out the add on credit card each month. They had separate bedrooms for ages now. Jatin, anyway didn’t like women who spoke when he was horny. Wild sex as opposed to making love was what he wanted…and got. He never ever paid for it though, for some women, unlike his wife, it was a high to be screwed by such a powerful man. The only times, the two of them were forced to eat together was when his mom or his sister and his kids were over from delhi. He took lesser calls during dinner those evenings and with the kids he really had fun. Those are perhaps the only times that he wished he had a more understanding wife so they could have babies. During interviews when people asked him about his hobbies he rattled them off with ease. Golf, drag racing, power boxing, reading, movies and cooking. The reality was that he did none of this. Other than working out at his personal gym every morning and reading at night, reading mails and files on what the spies had dug out on competition. He enjoyed this madness and would not trade it for anything, 4 hours of sleep and 50 cigarettes a day worked just fine for him. He did not have friends since he did not trust people and friends from his delhi days were people he was now ashamed of. Slow down beta was the only thing his simple docile mother would say during the perfunctory weekly call he made. That is what his doc had also said the last time he saw him, which was about 2 years ago. A sudden shooting pain as he was climbing down the stairs and his legs giving way was scary. He was rushed to the ICU. When he got conscious he saw his office gang looking very serious and somber, he also saw his mom and anushka. Having been with her for the last twenty years he just saw the look on her face and knew it was all over….

bas yun hi...

Chadta suraj dekhkar seekha Dhalta suraj kyun hota hai. Bikhre tukdon ko chukar seekha bebaasi ka dard kya hota hai baar baar kuch khone se seekha Paane ka yeh mazaa kya hota hai maazi ki taraf jab palat ke dekha to jaana gir kar uthna ka hunar kya hota hai…

some more made up words!

1. wollies: work sillies. People who are so silly at work, not like funny silly but irritating silly. All of us know the kind and NEVER keep in touch with them, once either of us quits the place. What I do not get is the desperate need to make everyone laugh all the time…and not get that they are laughing at you not with you! The most irritating kind include people who scream, not talk, the one’s cracking sexist jokes and of course the kind who wolf down your lunch and think they are being “cute”. Maybe they should be forced to watch cctv footage of themselves with the volume pumped up! 2. Frelibrity- a celebrity who seems like a friend. Not because you know them or have met them…but because you like them and follow them on social media. Movie stars, musicians, designers, politicians and sports persons everyone is now sharing and how! So while some may prefer the mystique and up there feel that celebs had, the truth is those times are gone. So how can everyone not have an opinion on a celebrity when they share more than your real life friends probably do! I am defensive about my frelibrities and would love to pull yours down. Welcome 2015

ten minutes

They get into the car from different sides and slam the doors. He revs up the engine and hits the accelerator He: we have exactly ten minutes to get there She: (angry) I know will you hurry up now, Shiv could be dead by the time we get there He: (screaming) will you shut the fuck up! You and your bloody negativity She: get off my case and get me to the hospital fast. Shiv shouldn’t have been on a bike to begin with He: calm down yaar. He is 42 and is capable of handling his life She: (voice breaking) well he has come close to losing it now, what exactly did that person say? He: what I told you 10 times, that mine was the last dialed number on his phone and he was found hurt on the road, some people put him into an auto and got him to the hospital. He is in the ICU and serious. She: (sobbing) he is your best friend and mine too. W,,wwe (choking) cant bear to…. He: listen stop it, stop it now, we will be there in a minute, just keep shut. She: you know you’re just…. I don’t even now why I am still with you @@@@@ They get into the car from different sides and slam the doors. He revs up the engine and hits the accelerator He: we have exactly ten minutes to get there She: (can here the laughter in her voice) I know and this is the best drive I’ve been for in my life He: (teasing) so let’s drive down to Khandala, we can get married some other time She: (mock anger) shut up, just shut up and (sings) get me to the church in time He: eh… it’s actually the registerar’s office we are going to madam. And we have a lot of explaining to do about why both of us have come to get married in jeans She: I know yaar, even if you had told me in the morning I would have worn a salwaar kameez to work He: (laughing) you want to go back? She: don’t be silly. Listen, I hope your phone has enough battery to take some pictures. He: I think we shouldn’t take pictures, you’re having a bad hair day She: (laughing) you just have this knack of talking rubbish. Don’t even know why I’m still with you @@@@@ They get into the car from different sides and slam the doors. He revs up the engine and hits the accelerator He: we have exactly ten minutes to get there She: with your driving we will take forever and miss the flight, let me drive, come on He: relax, I am in control. Just worried why have they called us to sunil’s school She: I took the call in front of you. The headmaster said he is fine, some disciplinary issues He: you think our son is on drugs or something? She: shut up. Must be just some pranks all growing boys play He: They would not call parents from delhi for some prank. You also know that She: let’s just go there and find out please? It’s hard enough that my only son is in trouble, I don’t need your non stop nagging to add to that. Come on, cant you see the signal has turned green, dammit He: (shaking his head) if only you hadn’t run away with that actor, we would never have sent sunil away. All this would never have happened She: what? You’re bringing THAT up now? I cant believe I came back to you. Don’t even know why I’m still with you. @@@@@@@

out of the closet!

Okay, it’s not what you’re thinking, it is about the stuff that’s asking for your attention hidden somewhere in your closet. I have to confess I am a hoarder but then am I the only one! I have improved by leaps and bounds and now I actually chuck away magazines that I have read, even if they have an article I may want to re read at some point. I donate novels that I have already read. Look at expiry dates and junk away stuff from the kitchen…even things I picked up in stores abroad thinking cinnamon flavoured almond fudge was what the family needed for a year The problem is with clothes, shoes, bags and accessories..how could I give away the dupatta I loved when I was 18 or a bag that still looks chic? The problem is am running out of space but that I could solve or so I thought…then I read a quote in Paulo Coehlo’s “brida” that made sense. It said that your old stuff has your energy trapped in it and if you don’t use it you are blocking the flow of energy. That’s not permissible and so the logical side of me is going to take out the purple heels, the pink earrings, the faux diamond clutch and wear it…maybe it all once. Once I actually see how ridiculous those things look today maybe the emotional side of me will let go. And then when I see a cupboard that’s not looking like a war zone, I can go out and shop in peace!!! My husband is the best. He has taught me all this. I am nothing without him. He does so much for me. Infact he has very graciously thought of and keyed in this para while I’m away. While I went in to steady my heart beat at the thought of de cluttering see what the husband did, should I work on his closet too???

One Friday evening…

“I don’t want to take this call” I said and started walking away from the room. My husband held my hand and asked me to take it. Thank god for caller ids, her name flashed. A woman who made me uncomfortable all my adult life. I spoke to her… and realized I had grown up. She no longer held any power over me because as I spoke to her I could see that I had given her the power and she no longer had my permission to make me feel small. Maybe it was my age, my stage in life. Maybe the fact that I knew fear and loss, having lost people close to me. Maybe it was faith that made me stronger. Maybe it was the fact that the smaller petty things, the approvals seemed so inconsequential today. Whatever it was, I am glad it helped me let the kid in me smile and say “hey that one isn’t a push over any more”!

stuff that works for me

news you can use stuff i heard and that works for me, try it if you like! 1.if you have high blood pressure, see a doc and don't stop the medication, till he tells you to. small things that i tried and did work for me are: ~ totally eliminated packaged stuff, pickles,ketchup and papads. ~the day have had a rough day, sleep with my feet on a pillow ~read something inspirational or listen to soothing music just before i sleep ~walk everyday....everyday! 2.a friend who runs a successful business gave me a tip that hit home: the median point. the quality of your work needs to be great and if you pick up some stuff just because the bucks are great but the work is average, it's fine but stop as soon as something seems crappy, taking that up can hurt your business far too much. 3. charge your phone on the airplane mode, charges faster 4. carry yoghurt with you to work and eat it as a snack between meals, works much better than biscuits or junk. 5.eating nuts makes sense as a snack and they are easy to carry, almonds are not so high in calories unless they are fried or salted. 6.coffee is great to boost your memory and it tastes soooo good. i love mine black and without sugar :-) 7.never ever use a pesticide in an aerosol can in the kitchen while your cooking, can cause an explosion. 8.if you smell a gas leak when you enter home, open all the windows but DO NOT switch on the light till the smell is gone. 9.one of the reason we get backaches is because we exercise the front muscles a lot and not the back, do 40 to 50 back stretches a day, any time, anywhere. swimming is the best exercise that uses all your muscles.

kaun tha vo...

Kal tak vo sab kuch tha mera Gaya, to mere ghar bhi to nahi aaya savera… Vo rehta vahan tha, par basta to yahan tha To uske maazi ne mere aaj mein kyun kar diya andhera? Sab rishte chhut te gaye par uske saath mein tha mera baserra Galat usne kiya, gaya, to banke sirf shauhar tera…

A summer in Simla

Twenty years later, am sure i wouldn't even acknowledge him if he passed by on the street....but that one week in summer, he meant the world to me. He was good looking, rakish and a charmer...just what my frayed nerves needed. We met at the hill station where my grandparents lived. Where i knew people and they knew me as the studious, intelligent kid from the city...which in my head i heard as the nerd, the overweight, dull kid. I saw him one morning walk past our cottage, whistling and humming to himself. I smiled, i knew he was beyond my league but just his gait, his demeanor, his joy made me smile. I waited the next morning and he was there again at the same time. This time my grandmother was with me and she informed me that he was the good for nothing grandson of her friend. He had decided to quit med school to come and write plays in the hills. writers were not supposed to be good looking i remarked. The next morning I came out of the shower, my hair still wet and found him sipping tea with my grandmother in the garden. Casually he commented that I should wear my hair loose, it really suits me. once we got chatting the chemistry was electric. When he suggested showing me an exhibition on the history of simla...my grandmother was delighted. She was glad I had some company and didn't have to take off on my own. I could swear he had a wicked grin even then when he thanked her and escorted me out. We had a week together and spent every waking moment together. He was funny but complicated. He was charming but had a glad eye. He was a great lover and said just the right things. What I loved the most was the adventure, running down slopes, him plucking wildflowers that i wore in my hair and ears....kissing by the brook, cuddling because it was cold...and sneaking into my room at night since it was raining and i didst want him catching a chill! I blushed and stammered in his presence and thank god my grandmother talked so much and didn't see too well... Surprisingly when I kissed him goodbye I knew it was the final bye....I could not handle his over powering, overwhelming persona in my "real" life, in the city...but this summer romance was a boon that would keep me smiling for a long long time...

Carmem~ a new word i made up!

Carmem~ memories associated with travelling in a car I was supposed to be in a bad mood that morning and yet I was giggling like a schoolgirl....carmem at work again! I was late for work, hungry, skipped breakfast, had a spat with my mother on the phone and yet as soon I drove passed "that" spot I was in splits. That was where I met the nerd every morning who was my carpool buddy. He was always late and had a ridiculous excuse, I pretended like I was driving past and he would run after me like a scared child. We lost touch but the carmem lived on…

Sex and the city

Shifa Maitra recounts a recent late night ordeal in Mumbai, and says that Mumbai is only slightly safer than Delhi. So Delhi is an awful place and women shouldn’t even visit. Well, Mumbai is just a tad better. Having lived in both cities and having returned here after a five-year stint in Delhi, I can tell you that living on your own as a single woman here isn’t as great as it used to be. I am not comparing it to Delhi, but let’s put it this way, women can’t be as bindass as they used to be here. With women being molested outside a five star hotel on New Year’s eve, to a security guard sexually assaulting and killing a bright young lawyer, to acid attacks, stones being pelted at the ladies compartments in trains…all of it is a nightmare. I recently had a shocker of an experience when I was returning home from a late night shoot. Thank God my driver was driving. It was around 3 am and at the Juhu beach turning, an SUV came very close to my car, with some guys inside it waving and screaming. My first reaction was to see if it was someone I knew, but my driver sensed trouble and stepped on the accelerator. I could see them screaming and making lewd gestures. I panicked and my driver warned me that he would be speeding – this car tried to block our way and stop in front of us. The entire ordeal lasted a few minutes but it was nightmarish. When I looked up, my driver had taken another route till we lost them. I was telling a friend the next day about this incident, and she said that something similar had happened to her and a friend when they left from Wtf in Versova and were going home. We don’t have a Chief Minister, yet, who tells us that women should stay at home to avoid such incidents, but we are getting there. Pepper sprays and learning taekwando are all very well. Drunk driving is something the city has been able to get under control, but all the same, driving alone past midnight is best avoided. A friend had a flat tyre late at night at the Garage Road in Santacruz, and she was pretty shaken up by the time she got home. Another thing to avoid is going for a walk or a run at night. From Versova’s back road to the Carter Road promenade, women have had to deal with unwelcome attention for no fault of theirs. Allowing electricians, plumbers and watchmen inside your home when you are alone is again a no-no. However inconvenient, call a friend or neighbour to hang around till the work is being done. Someone I know runs an agency for guards, and he was candid about the fact that background checks on those employed are not always done. Taking an autorickshaw at night is asking for trouble. God help you if you light up a cigarette, you really may not get home. People who seem perfectly ‘normal’ when alone, when in a group become a mob that can’t be trusted. Colaba Causeway, Gateway of India, Linking Road and Juhu are areas that are hellholes, given that streetwalkers operate there and any woman out at night alone is instantly branded as one. Crowded places are again a bane, whether it is Ganpati visarjan or Holi. New Year’s eve or the Bandra Fair, the minute a woman is in the crowd, it is assumed that the woman will ‘enjoy’ being groped and molested. Sad but true, that women are better off staying off the roads when these hooligans reign. Well, the silver lining is that if a woman asks for help in a public place in Mumbai, people will step forward and help her. Walking into a cop station is also not as daunting as it would be in Delhi. Keeping your mobile phone charged at all times helps, and calling up a friend when there is a hint of trouble makes sense. A friend who lived alone had a drunk neighbor banging on her door at one in the morning. Thankfully, she called us instantly and had only frayed nerves to deal with. So, trust in God but lock your car, as the Dalai Lama said. Of course Mumbai is a rocking, fun city, but don’t push your luck. Shifa Maitra is a media professional based in Mumbai. (Picture courtesy Joshi Daniel)

Friends and Lovers

She: you know what, I don’t think we should work together
He: even if I promise not to be such a brat?!!!
She: that’s not the point, it will ruin our friendship
He: think of how wonderful it will be to kiss and make up. Besides I’d like to see you crack the whip
She: don’t you ever get it?

A month later
He: who the hell do you think you are? What were trying to prove????
She: I was doing my job and I was well within my rights to question you
He: ya right! In front of ten people? And don’t you dare start the “I told you so” number
She: and why am I supposed to make concessions for you?
He: coz we are friends, or at least I thought we were…

Two months later

She: I don’t want another coffee, can we please go home
He: ok babe, just that I want you to know that am really sorry, I screwed up
She: I have heard that before and honestly I am tired, I need to sleep
He: My wonderful back massage is what you need. Come on lets go home
She: I am going home, alone. Am sorry I don’t feel like company tonight

Four months later

He: come on, admit it. My idea was super and you still thought the jerk had a better idea. Are you doing him?
She: will you stop it. And don’t you dare to talk to me like this
He: aww, drop the boss act babe. Remember I am your best buddy who has a right to know what’s happening in your life?
She: so that I can be discussed at the lunch table tomorrow?
He: if you stepped out of your ivory tower and joined us for lunch, you’d know we have more interesting things to talk about

Six months later
She: ok so it’s done. Honest to god, I tried. But I am not the sole decision maker around here
He: you really are enjoying this, aren’t you? Telling the world that I am a jerk and you know it all
She: where did that come from? And why would I want to do that?
He: coz I treat you like a human being and not a demi goddess. And reality bites honey!!!!
She: it does? So maybe it’s time you got real. And faced the truth. You are mediocre and not because you lack talent. Only due to the fact that you are lazy
He: Gosh! And I actually thought you were a friend?

Pretty woman

The first time I saw her she was leaning against a bench and laughing at me. Ok, I agree I was overreacting to a situation that nobody could do anything about. I was mad at a local in the scenic hill station because I had not been warned that it could start raining on a perfectly sunny day.
I had come to chail, a couple of days ago, to clear my head. Didn’t want to meet anyone I knew or anyone who remotely had led a city bread life. No plu’s- people like us. Yet this woman who was an epitome of grace and beauty even at her age, was clearly someone who was moneyed, classy and well educated. I was intrigued.
I followed her and she walked quite a distance before she turned into a cottage with a white wooden gate. She looked back at me and gestured that I come in. I was embarrassed and awkward but she waited for me smiling. I went in, the house was cozy and classy. Wooden flooring, a fireplace, plush rugs, antique silver, comfortable sofas and overlooking a beautifully tended garden. Without asking she walked into the kitchen and came back with mugs of steaming hot chocolate. It was divine and I felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t experienced in years. Riya Ghosh, is what she offered as an introduction. Bookcases lined with books intrigued me and as if reading my thoughts she said that both she and her husband loved to read. They had different tastes so hence she had an eclectic mix.
Over the next couple of hours and four rounds of coffee riya knew all about my life. I couldn’t believe how much I had shared with a rank stranger. She smiled and said perhaps it was easier because I didn’t know her. But it wasn’t that. She had a peace that was rare. Now i needed to know her views on my life. I had ranted and told her all about how I was about to call off my wedding with Ronak who I had been dating for the last four years. I loved him immensely yet his irritating family, his lack of ambition and his laid back attitude was driving me up the wall. I wanted more out of life and I wasn’t willing to compromise.
She asked me to forgive him and forgive myself and build a wonderful life together. I looked at her angry and she asked me to go back to the hotel and come the next day. I mumbled something and walked away, sure that I wouldn’t be coming back.
Yet all night I thought about her forgiving myself stance that I did not get and wanted to meet her again to know more. I also needed to more about her life. So I went back. She had a picnic basket ready, like she was expecting me. We went to a brook nearby and sat there for hours, she had an awesome voice and we sang to the birds. It was so wonderful and healing. When I got back to my room I realised I hadn’t asked her a thing. It was so magical just being with her.
I went to see her everyday for the next two weeks. Always after eleven because before that she taught local children and looked into her correspondence. Soon I got to know that included mentoring phd students who were studying comparative world religions. A subject she was an expert on. Each time asked about her life, she would smile and say she would tell me some day.
And one day she did. Told me what had happened over the last 70 summers of her life. She told me about her childhood and youth in Amritsar where she lived in a progressive Punjabi family. She grew up with her grandparents since her father was in the army and her parents kept getting posted to places that didn’t have good schools. How she met and fell in love with Inder, who was from a huge land owning family. How they dreamt of a future together, how they met on the terrace, how they wrote poetry for each other. How he had decided to rebel against the family and marry her as soon as she turned eighteen. How his family would disown him but they had already found a piece of land they would till and live on. She came to chail for the first time with him and they decided to live here when they were old...
Inder got killed by terrorists one evening. Just like that, to prove a point to rich families that were not coughing up money to support their cause. Riya didn’t know who she could cry in front of. Other than the two of them no one knew of their wonderful love and future planned out.
Riya moved to delhi and did brilliantly in academics. Her parents fretted over her wedding and she always said no. Till Major ranjan ghosh was decided upon by her father. He had known him since he first joined the army and was a liberal, understanding man. He would let riya work and she had no reason to say no. She married Ranjan and was the dutiful wife who never felt any love for her husband. Ranjan sensed that and gradually over the years, the mundane humdrum of marriage made her get used to Ranjan. He was a wonderful patient man, a solider with an artistic temperament. A writer who only let his wife read what he wrote. She fell in love with him but unlike Inder this was a mature, deep, calm love. They never had children and after a point never missed them. They were just so happy together, cooking, reading, gardening, listening to music. She still celebrated Inder’s birthday every year and Ranjan never objected.
Post retirement ranjan wanted a quiet place in the hills and chail beckoned. They bought a plot and hoped to leave the nomadic life at some point. But ranjan had a sudden heart attack and passed away. Riya was alone but not bereft. That was Riya. The memories of having been loved so completely by two wonderful men had given her a lifetime of memories to live by. That is what she was doing. Happily, grateful for what she got and not resentful of what she didn’t have.
I felt so small compared to her and yet she never told me what I should do in my life. She was just who she was and if someone could get inspired by her, so be it. She never went out of chail so she didn’t attend our wedding but every summer ronak and I come and spend some time with her in chail. We would always go back rejuvenated and when she kissed me on the forehead before we left and blessed me, I felt truly blessed.